Saturday, 1 May 2010

two lessons all boys should know

(1) When a girl says "no" she means "no" and you should respect that answer.

(2) Mummy is a girl.

So when mummy says, "No, you can't sleep with me tonight", you are supposed to say, "Okay, mummy. I respect that. I'll go and happily sleep in my kick ass crib."

You aren't supposed to start wailing just because we walk into your room.

And when mummy caves and say, "Okay, you can fall asleep in bed with mummy, but then you are going to sleep in your crying cage crib." It's in poor taste to promptly fall asleep snuggled up to the boobs but start screaming the minute you hit the crib mattress.

It also isn't fair that you can look up at mummy with huge puppy dog eyes, squeeze out tears, and go, "Maaaaaaammmmmaaaaaaa!"

Damn it. We never should have encouraged this talking thing.

And when mummy caves (again) and picks you up, you should keep crying like something really is wrong and you really need to be held. Don't immediately stop wailing, break out in a huge grin and say, "Mummy, you're my bitch!"

Also, when I pick you up please don't point at the boobs as if to say, "I want that one now, mummy." And then start nawing at my bra straps. I'll get it out when I'm good and ready to feed you.

Okay. Right now.

Please stop banging on my chest.

Tomorrow, little sprout. Tomorrow you are going to sleep in your crib all night. Or, you know, maybe the next night...


  1. So your post made me CRY! the laughing kind. We are actually going through the EXACT same thing. I am convinced she will be sleeping with me forever.

  2. awwh, hope you manage to convince him how awesome his crib is soon.

  3. There must be some secret to make your baby love his crib. I just don't know what it is...