Tuesday, 25 August 2009

the fog

I sometimes feel like I'm standing in the middle of a fog. I am turning on the spot but I can't quite make the way out. And I am tired. I am just so tired. I want to lay down but I can't. My brain is whirling away, like a children's top, but it's spinning out of control. And then he's crying again and all I want to do is soothe him. Comfort him. But I can barely hold him. My arms want to give out under the weight. I'm hushing him. I do it subconsciously now. I do it more for me than him. I need the reminder. I need the calm feeling of a hand on my back, the sound of a heart beating, the warmth of a body next to mine. And so does he. We are both so tired. Our distraught energies feeding off each other. Deep breaths. Calming breaths. The waves of sleep start to crash down around us. I feel us drifting off. But for how long? And my eyes spring open. I look down at my sleeping baby. So peaceful now. Dreaming of cuddles and boobies and dangling toys. And I wonder when it will be my turn. I hate insomnia.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

2 months

My little boy is 2 months old. What happened to the time? But at the same time it's like there wasn't life before the sprout. He's come so far in such a short period of time. To look at him now you'd never guess he was a preemie. He's already doubled his birth weight. He's growing so fast and changing so quickly. I don't want to forget the little things, and I am so afraid that I am going to, so I thought I'd start a list of the things I want to remember :)
1 month

2 months

(1) The sprout will sometimes be sitting in his vibratey chair, all calm, and he'll open his mouth up wide and look around, as if to say, "Okay, I'm ready. Put the food in here!"

(2) His maniac laugh/cry when he's hungry.

(3) Finding his fist when he's doing his hungry laugh/cry and going, "Hey! What's this?" Pausing, gnawing on his hand for a moment, realizing there's no food coming out of it, and then resuming crying.

(4) Trying to figure out how to make his fist hit the toys on his wooden play gym even tho he can only just reach the toys with his hand open. He gets all frustrated and his other hand ends up hitting the toys. He turns his head, all surprised and resumes trying to hit the toys with the other fist!

(5) The way he smiles at my boobs when he's about to get fed like they are the most fantastic things ever. And in his world, I guess they are. They give him food.

(6) Chatting and snuggling with the boobs :) mmm... boobies...

okay, one more...

(7) Him raising his arm above his head to stretch and then letting out a great big fart!

Looking forward to seeing him grow even more!

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

eliminating spit up

Okay, to say that the sprout is a spitter is a bit of an understatement. He's a greedy little gus and nursing is his favorite activity. So, I am getting a little tired of the spit up. I go through at least a dozen receiving blankets a day. I have started to alter my diet (no dairy) and how I nurse him to try to minimize the spit up but I think I am going about this all wrong. Then I found this: Why should I try to get rid of something when I can just cover it up? This is way easier! Fabric that hides spit up stains? I am totally in! Check out Pukies for their whole line of stain friendly fabric products!

Sunday, 9 August 2009

an alternative

If I couldn't have mummy's milk I'd have... BEER!

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Free stuff!

Who doesn't like to win free stuff?

I was recently perusing the life of a modern house wife blog and am in love with the giveaway this week! Zutano Itzy-Bitzy has such cute clothes! The sprout would look fantastic in the blue dino onesie. I love wrap onesies since the sprout doesn't like having me yank things over his head, or he spits up on things as I am pulling them over his head.

Monday, 3 August 2009

going back to work

I love my job. So I always knew that I would go back to work very soon after the sprout’s arrival. Now, before you get too shocked, I do not have a 9-5 job. I teach one-hour yoga classes. Going back to work means 1.5 hours away from home at a time. He should be fine and dad can always give him formula if he gets hungry…

I don’t want my son to have formula. I don’t want to share :( I never anticipated how attached I would feel to the sprout after he was on the outside. Feeding is our time together. It just wouldn’t be the same if I was plugging a bottle into his mouth.

So today was my first trial run back at work. I subbed a class for my boss. And it went okay. I managed to get through the hour with my sanity intact! The sprout survived too – no bottle, no formula, and only a small amount of hungry crying. The sprout even came to pick me up at work so he didn’t even have to wait until I got home for his first lunch.

Still, at 7 weeks, it was hard. I am in no way upset that he was a month early. It means I have an extra month with him before I am back on the schedule. I love my little boy and feel oddly fully satisfied being a mother. This is a good job :) Now how do I get paid in cash for it?

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Beets me!

We are still fairly new to this breastfeeding thing and it still surprises me how what I eat can affect what he poops.

For instance: beets.

It’s summer here and that means that we can get fresh local beets. It no longer surprises me when I shit red poo after eating them, but when I saw that come out of the sprout? Yeah, I was shocked. Oh my god, I thought. What is wrong with my new baby? And then I slowly started to process that I had had beets at supper. Tasty things, done up in foil on the bbq with olive oil, balsamic and fresh thyme. Maybe… maybe, just maybe they affect him the same way they affect me. I wish there had been a warning, like red milk! Then maybe I wouldn’t have been as surprised.

I am still waiting for him to start pooping rainbows, but I guess red poo is a good start.