Thursday, 27 May 2010

thump, cry, pause, WAIL

You know that saying, the one about the forest and the tree falling?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, will it still make a sound?

Ya, that one.

Obviously, it will. The impact of the tree hitting the ground is going to cause some vibrations and sound is just vibrations.

But I digress.

What happens when the baby falls over?

This has been happening a lot lately. Someone wants to move faster than his feet will take him. Or he changes direction mid step and trips himself. Or he decides that he doesn't need to hold on who-cares-that-he-can't-balance-on-his-own-yet.


Usually he falls on his ass. Sometimes on his side. Frequently on his head.


It's like he's just testing to see if you are going to come to the rescue.


If he is just falling over for attention, there is no pause. He'll keep crying till you pick him up.

But when you look over and his mouth is open like he's trying to scream but no sound is coming out and 5 seconds go by and then another 5 and you start to think, okay, little sprout, breathe. Just breathe.


Full on screamfest. OH MY GOD! It's the end of the freakin' world. But maybe if I point over there at that contraband non-toy you'll give it to me to make me feel better. Really, your computer would make me feel much much better, mummy. Or the camera. Or daddy's fancy chopping knife in the kitchen. It's shiny...

Or, you know, boob would be lovely too.

So, what happens if the baby falls over and no one is around to hear it?

You'll never believe it.

The baby still makes a sound.

Thump, cry, pause...


At least he hasn't figured out how to fall out of his crib yet. I dread to hear that.

Sunday, 9 May 2010

happy mother's day!

Happy Mother's Day to all you mama's out there.

Let's celebrate by... playing in the snow!

The dude is making me blueberry pancakes and bacon for breakfast :) The sprout is cruising the furniture. And I am sitting here thinking I should really clean up my house relaxing.

It's mother's day AND my birthday. I don't think I should have to do anything today. In fact, I think I'll go back to bed!

Oh, wait, no. Breakfast's ready!

Enjoy your day and indulge a little :)

Image via Getty Images

Saturday, 8 May 2010

do people really live like this?

We're house hunting.

You, know... that fun time where you think it's a good idea to spend too much money so that you can have a few extra square feet, a basement and a yard. And you get to go and snoop in other people's houses. Which I think is really what house hunting is about - spying ;)

We've been to see 4 houses so far. One was already sold when we saw it. One cost too much money. One was nice but we didn't like it enough to enter into a multiple offer bidding war.

And one was, how to describe it... in one word...


Absolutely, unequivocally, AWFUL.

The house was being sold "as is" and I was told that we could expect the house to be in very poor condition. Which we kinda figured it was from the pictures. We figured it would be dirty. We figured it would be smoky. We figured there would be peeling wallpaper, and crappy flooring and that it would be very messy.

Oh, how naive we were :(

We didn't think there would be dog poop every where, dirty dishes piled high in the kitchen, a giant hole in the ceiling, walls missing upstairs and "wall-to-wall" carpeting meaning random pieces of carpet strewn over the subfloor.

There was a toilet behind the stairs on the main floor. No door, no sink. The plunger was on the floor beside the toilet and a note on the toilet said "do not use". This was the 2nd bathroom.

We couldn't enter the master bedroom because "the guy" might be home and sleeping. But someone had cut a "doggy door" out from the bottom of his door to let the dog in and out. I assume, so that the dog wouldn't poop in the bedroom.

There was a pool in the backyard. If these were my friends, and I knew how they kept their house, I wouldn't go within 6 feet of that pool.

I left feeling a bit sick.

Do people really live like that?

Where was the pride of ownership?

I admit, I sometimes let my housekeeping lapse, but I don't think I could ever let it get to that point. This was years of dirt and neglect. Nothing was clean.

No, wait, the giant TV in the living room was spotless.

It's nice to see the owner had his priorities straight.

It still makes me feel sad when I think about it. I cling to the hope that they are moving out of here and going to a home that will be able to give them the help they need.

And for us, the search continues. But maybe we won't go to any more "as is" house sales.

Monday, 3 May 2010

feeling frumpy

Do you remember, before you had kids, how you always thought that will never be me? I will never be frumpy. I will be the yummy mummy that everyone envies. I will shower every day and wear killer heels. I will turn heads as I push my designer pram down a posh shop-lined street and drink overpriced decaffinated beverages at a trendy cafe with all the hipsters typing on their laptops and ipads.

Do you ever notice that reality is often very different?

And it's not like I've ever been honked at by carloads full of teenage boys... more than once...

It all started off so innocently. It was a crappy day so why should I go outside? Why should I even bother to get dressed? Heck, lets go back to bed, little sprout. We can be lazy!

It has spiraled since then.

And now the poshes of mummy days is coming up - Mother's day. Only it's a double whammy in our house. It's also my birthday. And I feel anything but yummy these days.

I have a week to change that.

Motherhood is beautiful, so why shouldn't we be?

Saturday, 1 May 2010

two lessons all boys should know

(1) When a girl says "no" she means "no" and you should respect that answer.

(2) Mummy is a girl.

So when mummy says, "No, you can't sleep with me tonight", you are supposed to say, "Okay, mummy. I respect that. I'll go and happily sleep in my kick ass crib."

You aren't supposed to start wailing just because we walk into your room.

And when mummy caves and say, "Okay, you can fall asleep in bed with mummy, but then you are going to sleep in your crying cage crib." It's in poor taste to promptly fall asleep snuggled up to the boobs but start screaming the minute you hit the crib mattress.

It also isn't fair that you can look up at mummy with huge puppy dog eyes, squeeze out tears, and go, "Maaaaaaammmmmaaaaaaa!"

Damn it. We never should have encouraged this talking thing.

And when mummy caves (again) and picks you up, you should keep crying like something really is wrong and you really need to be held. Don't immediately stop wailing, break out in a huge grin and say, "Mummy, you're my bitch!"

Also, when I pick you up please don't point at the boobs as if to say, "I want that one now, mummy." And then start nawing at my bra straps. I'll get it out when I'm good and ready to feed you.

Okay. Right now.

Please stop banging on my chest.

Tomorrow, little sprout. Tomorrow you are going to sleep in your crib all night. Or, you know, maybe the next night...